The gift of deep listening

So, Valentine's Day 2025 is over – did you get all of the gifts you needed to get? Well, good news – there's still time and this gift comes at no cost!

The more time I spend on this planet, the more I come to believe that one of the most impactful and precious gifts we can give to others and to ourselves is the gift of deep listening. To listen with complete and deep attention, with thoughtfulness and without distractions, is a rarity these days. Think about it – when was the last time you had a conversation with someone when neither of you were also doing something else? Yup, that almost never happens these days.

When we really listen to each other we change, we grow, and we expand, and our creativity kicks into high gear. With listening comes inspiration and new thought. We re-engage ourselves as we reconnect with someone else. We move out of isolation and into inter-being.

How often do we listen with our whole self, without merely waiting to respond? How often are we formulating a response or an answer or a rebuttal? When we are in that mode, our listening skills are not fully engaged. And yes, listening is a skill.

On the spiritual side of this is our ability and willingness to listen to Spirit, to deepen our relationship and to thoughtfully respond to that “still, small voice.” How much silent time do you give yourself? Time to step away from the day's noise and explore the quiet realm is vitally important. When is the last time you had a real Sabbath? Talk about a great gift! Being comfortable and committed to time in quiet, in solitude, is a rare and precious gift these days.

How disciplined can you be with your meditative, prayer or reflective time? When you open that gift, a priceless treasure awaits. Slow down, take some breaths, reflect and let the thoughts arrive and pass through. So many people I know claim to want more reflective time and actually admit that they need it – but, somehow, never manage to make space for it.

Can you find the holy within the ordinary? This might take some concentration or even adapting a new approach to the mundane, everyday tasks. Can you be fully present in that ordinary moment and find joy and peace as you sit with a pet, do the dishes, or wash your hands and set a table? Or, has the myth of multi-tasking stolen your peace of mind as you surrendered your serenity? All of this is a part of deeply listening to the moment at hand.

Yes! You are worth the great gift of deep listening and so are those you encounter. Be fully present. Listen without preparing an answer. Take it all in. That is the great gift we can give ourselves and others without the need for an occasion or a special day.

Enjoy the Valentine's chocolate; admire and smell those roses, sent with love. But know that the box will be emptied and flowers will compost. But that deep listening? Well, that will create relationships that last a lifetime.

The Reverend Dr. Deborah Darlington provides spiritual coaching, inspirational speaking and the celebrating of rites of passage for all peoples. She can be reached at GraceMatters@TheSpaceForGrace.com.